Is Cheating Really a True Relationship Dealbreaker?

“Once a cheater, always a cheater.” It’s a common phrase spoken in the dating scene. However, such a belief carries a great deal of negative energy and can prevent an individual from making positive changes in their life, especially in the area of relationships. Infidelity is easily one of the most painful incidences that can occur in a relationship. Trust is broken and it takes time to mend along with healing the pain. Can the trust truly be mended? Can a couple move on to become stronger? Relationship experts have varying opinions on the topic of unfaithfulness. But what does Yoga have to say about cheating and healing a relationship after infidelity?

Before a couple can decide if they are able to heal and move on they first need to understand why their partner cheated in the first place. Men and women are unfaithful for a variety of reason. Regardless of the details Yoga wisdom gets down to the heart of the issue. Why are men unfaithful in relationships? From a purely biological standpoint, the animal brain of men is wired to seek out opportunities to create as much offspring as possible in order to become the dominant male.

In our modern society these instincts are no longer necessary, practical, and are even social frowned upon in many areas of the world. However, just because it may not be as socially acceptable to produce offspring with as many partners as possible, men are still not taught to transmute their sexual energy and use it to their advantage. A Yoga lifestyle does not enforce celibacy, however, Yoga wisdom does teach us the benefits of transmuting energy from the second, or sex, chakra. Once a person understands that sexual energy is the most powerful force in the universe and they are able to learn how to become Superman, or Superwoman, once they learn how to use this energy then it opens up a world of possibilities, including attracting your Ideal partner and relationship. This topic is discussed in further detail in the eleventh chapter of Yoga & Love.

We know from studying Biology and Psychology that women do not operate the same way as men. So why do women cheat on their partners? We know from a Psychological perspective that women tend to be unfaithful due to a lack of emotional intimacy and support from their partner. If a man is not supportive and emotionally disconnects from his partner she may seek out the emotional connection she desires with someone else. From a Yoga perspective it is important for women to practice Pranayama, meditation, and Mantra since they can be especially helpful in bringing emotional balance and peace. Men can also benefit equally from these same practices. This is why I highly encourage couples to meditate together. It can serve as a wonderful source of bonding and spiritual intimacy for a couple.

What should a couple do if infidelity has entered their relationship? The first thing they should do is talk to one another in a peaceful manner and keep communication as open as possible. As painful as it may be, it is important to hear the reasons why your partner cheated, especially if you want to rebuild the relationship and grow stronger from this experience. Communication is often the key to solving a lot of issues. If the infidelity is a chronic issue then psychological intervention may be necessary in order to help a couple rebuild a healthy relationship.

How does a couple go about rebuilding trust in the relationship? Is it possible to trust your partner again? Yes, of course! Your beliefs and positive thinking will go a long way in helping to repair your trust with your partner after infidelity.  Communication continues to be extremely important in this phase. Even if infidelity never occurs, your partner may be a different person every couple of years. The interests, likes, and preferences we had may not stay the same. Here is something to think about. Is your favorite song now the same song it was two years ago? It is entirely possible that when you hear that favorite song from two years ago you now feel little interest in it, or even cringe! The same may very well be true of your partner. Be sure you and your partner are communicating openly and taking the time to continue to get to know one another whether you have been together for 2 months or 20 years.

There are two other important aspects to keep in mind. If after doing everything in your power to reconcile with your partner and things are not improving, your partner refuses to put in their portion of the hard work, or if damaging habits continue it is your responsibility to guard your happiness at all costs and place it first. Yoga wisdom also tells us that when we are searching for a solution to a problem it is very important to ask yourself, “What is it within me that is causing this situation to happen?” Sometimes it is our thought patterns, our words, or even our behavior, whether conscious or subconscious that is contributing to a less than pleasant situation in a relationship. While you cannot force change upon your partner, you can continue to work on yourself and do some soul searching to discover if there is anything you are doing that may be contributing to a less than Ideal situation. Yoga is all about getting in touch with yourself and this applies even to just about every situation.