By Tiffany Lee-Youngren
Vish: Later, we met at a coffee shop. I told her, “There’s this technique for finding your soul mate. Just like you can’t explain the taste of an orange to someone who’s never tasted one, I can’t explain this to you. I know you will think I’m a weirdo, but I have to tell you: You are my soul mate.”
Deypika: My jaw dropped. I told him, “I feel cheated. I feel used. And you are not my type.” At that moment it was absolutely “No!” I was ready to walk away from him.
The bride: Deypika Singh, 24. Deypika is originally from Haryana, outside Delhi, India. She is a usability testing consultant.
The groom: Vish Iyer, 30. Originally from Tamil in the state of Madras, India, Vish is a software consultant and gives presentations on yoga and meditation.
The couple were married Sept. 2 at the home of Deypika’s aunt. In the Hindu tradition, Deypika wore a red sari, as well as two other saris in yellow and purple. They live in Mira Mesa.
How did you meet?
Vish: We met on a movie set of “Trade-Offs,” a low-budget indie film. Deypika was the lead in the movie, and I was assistant director. We worked on the film for three months on the weekends, but I should point out that nothing happened on the movie set.
Deypika: We’d spend 18 hours on the same set together, and there wasn’t any spark. We ended this project never expecting to cross paths again.
Well, there must have been a spark at some point. When did it come?
Vish: I am very deep into meditation, and there is a technique you can practice to attract your soul mate. You must meditate for six months, morning and night. I met Deypika during the fourth month of the technique. Toward the end of filming, every time she was near me I could feel my heart pulling at me. But the last two weeks of shooting I had to leave for India, where my parents were finalizing plans to find a wife for me.
How did you get out of that one?
Vish: Our family astrologer was analyzing our horoscopes, but none of the horoscopes matched, which is unusual.
Did you tell your family about Deypika?
Vish: No! My dad is a very strict, idealistic kind of person. Marriage is a very big thing in India, and I’ve seen parents just live for their kids’ weddings. I did tell my dad about my guru’s technique, but my dad didn’t believe this technique worked. But that night, my master was in my dad’s dream. That gave me even more faith that I was on the right track.
What happened when you got back to the states?
Vish: I waited a couple of days and e-mailed Deypika asking if she wanted to talk about meditation. She invited me over to her family’s bagel shop.
Deypika: I come from a really traditional family. I just can’t be dating before marriage, and if I met him, it had to be in public places. That was something that also developed later: How do we get to know each other with all these social limitations?
So you met, and it went well, in a platonic kind of way. But then Vish sent you an e-mail, Deypika. What did it say?
Deypika: Oh, that terrible e-mail. At that time my grandmother had passed away, and then I get this e-mail saying, “I’m attracted to you.” I felt like I was betrayed. It just took me aback like anything.
Vish: Later, we met at a coffee shop. I told her, “There’s this technique for finding your soul mate. Just like you can’t explain the taste of an orange to someone who’s never tasted one, I can’t explain this to you. I know you will think I’m a weirdo, but I have to tell you: You are my soul mate.”
Deypika: My jaw dropped. I told him, “I feel cheated. I feel used. And you are not my type.” At that moment it was absolutely “No!” I was ready to walk away from him.
Vish: That night I wrote her another e-mail and said, “You have a degree in science, and in science you never say no to something without testing it.”
Deypika: And when he said that, it made sense to me. Although he talked about these crazy, out-of-this-world things, I knew there was some truth to him. Then I realized we didn’t have control over the situation; there are things that are at work which have a deeper purpose.
Were both of your families supportive of your decision when you eventually decided to marry?
Deypika: My mom was stumbling on the cultural barrier, and there were hurdles getting everyone to agree. The key was just confidence in my decision. Everybody said, “If you’re confident, then we’re confident.”
Vish: It was a struggle deciding how to break it to my dad. That’s when I invited my mom here (from Botswana, where both his parents live). I told her not to say anything to my dad, but she sung like a canary. The next day, he calls. He was plain upset.
Did he finally accept the marriage?
Vish: We’re still working on that.
Did you face any challenges planning your wedding?
Vish: The first obstacle was to find a hall that could hold 450 people. And we had to find a date – it has to be an auspicious day at an auspicious time, according to the Vedic calendar. So we decided on a Thursday at 7:30 a.m.
As in 7:30 in the morning?
Vish: Yes. My American friends cursed me. They said, “Hey man, what is wrong with you?”
Deypika: There was such a purity about having the wedding in the morning. Everything was so fresh and so new.
What was the most memorable aspect of your wedding?
Deypika: Like a magnet, it pulled everybody in. Close to 100 people helped with our wedding. They had committees! That’s what made this event so much fun and such a success. It was this whole process of really expanding relationships. Neighbors have become family after this.
USA: January 2, 2005
Article published in San Diego Union Tribune newspaper
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