Sexual Compatibility: Myth or Reality?


A client of mine told me every time she started a relationship it would quickly fall apart. I asked her if she had slept with any of these men she tried to form a relationship with. She replied by saying “All of them. I don’t want to marry someone I’m not sexually compatible with.”

What does society define as sexual compatibility? The theory of establishing sexual compatibility states that a couple cannot survive for the long term if they are not sexually compatible and this is why there are so many divorces and instances of cheating. This theory claims that not only is premarital sex is absolutely necessary, but it is necessary to sleep with everyone you date, and if the sex isn’t mind blowing good the first time, or first couple times, then that person is not sexually compatible with you, the relationship is doomed to fail, and you should move on. It basically puts sex on a pedestal and makes it one of, if not the, most important aspect of a relationship.

Is there any truth to this theory of sexual compatibility? To be honest, the answer to that question is both yes and no. It is both. There is some level of reality to it from a yoga perspective and there is some level of myth. If you understood sexual compatibility rightly from a yoga perspective it can be used to strengthen your relationship and take it to the next level. If you don’t understand it, (and most people don’t), you will mess it up and you and your partner will end up splitting. Sexual compatibility is a lot like fire. Fire can be a very useful tool for doing things such as cooking food, provide a source of light, and keep you warm during the winter. However, if you do not respect the power fire possesses you can burn yourself or completely demolish your home. Sexual compatibility works the same way.

Why do we have urges to connect with someone sexually? These feelings stem from past incarnations. We have lived many lives, and been attracted to many people. Maybe it is karma between you two. There is no myth to that. The feelings are real. These feelings are manifesting due to unresolved karma from the past. And this is the reason you are feeling it. We need to understand it is energy, and it is energy you created. We also need to understand that sex is only one aspect of love. There are deeper states of love than sex. While sex is important, you cannot have sex 24/7. It’s not physically possible. We are not physical sexual beings; we are spiritual beings having a physical experience. And if you understand sexual compatibility through Yoga, you can use this stimuli to deepen your love. Our physical bodies have limits, but our spirits don’t and it can be in divine, ecstatic love forever, which is what we are seeking.

How do we deepen our understanding of sexual compatibility through yoga? Yoga states that we need energy to elevate our consciousness. According to yoga, if you want to raise your energy and consciousness, you need a certain level of investment, and this requires energy. Sex takes a lot of energy and if you don’t understand how to transmute that energy you will be living in the lower chakras, and what yoga calls living in the region of hell subject to moods, depression and worry. Sex can be a portal to heaven if we know how to use it. Or you can just wither away the energy in a matter of minutes and it will suck you dry. It has everything to do with energy and not with morality. When you have sex with someone you create karma with them, but according to karma you will see them again and have to resolve the karma. Karma operates on the principles of magnetism. When two people have sex, it’s a union of their lowest selves, if you don’t know the deepest states of love possible it’s the lowest level of union because only the lower level chakras are activated. These kind of unaware unions then bring into the world another child that is of the same consciousness. That is why if you are promiscuous you can never bring a Jesus type being into the world. It has nothing to do with morality, but rather the level of energy you are manifesting.

What should people be focused on instead from a Yoga perspective? Be focused on the karma and be mindful that you create karma with your partner whether it is a one night stand or a lifelong marriage. Understand that when you create this much karma with others you, in turn, become bound by it and cannot be free. Being bound and imprisoned in this way is the enemy of being in love. Try the Yoga way instead. Through intuition you will know who you are meant to be with. Relationships are the only area that trial and error doesn’t work out. And in the end, trial and error is so passé.

Yoga Wisdom:

  • Sexual compatibility is like fire. It has the power to enrich your life or create destruction.
  • Sexual feelings for another can arise due to past karma.
  • Every person we have sex with creates karma with that individual.
  • While sex is important to a healthy relationship it is not the deepest state of love.
  • We need energy to raise our consciousness and sex depletes our energy.
  • When we do not work to get to those higher states of love then sex only activates our lower chakras, making it extremely difficult to achieve those deeper states of love.
  • Being bound by karma is the opposite of being in love.
  • Relationships are the one area where trial and error does not work.