My Ideal Match is a Single Parent. Can This Work?

There is no denying that single parenthood is a reality. According to a report released by the US Census Bureau released in November 2009 there is growing demographic of single parents and children raised by single a single parent. According to their statistics there are approximately 13.7 million single parents in the United States who are responsible for raising 21.8 million children. The vast majority are women at 84% while the remaining 16% are single fathers. The vast majority started out in a committed relationship and never expected to be a single parent. As one reads further into the report it becomes obvious there are a wide variety of situations and backgrounds represented in the single parent demographic.

With these numbers it not unlikely that your ideal match may be a single parent. With the right mindset and a positive attitude this can be an extremely rewarding experience for you, your ideal partner, and even your partner’s child. An important thing to remember is Yoga is all about solutions. Yoga also tells us to be very clear about our expectations and to keep them flexible. In this type of situation there are more individuals involved, especially a child or children, it is very important to project friendship and love. You want to help establish a positive, supportive environment not only for your partner but also for any children involved.

One of the biggest mistakes individuals make when they are forming a relationship with a single parent is to become involved with the other parent in a negative way or try to intervene inappropriately if the other parent is still involved in the child’s life or shares custody of the child. Every situation is different and one of the best ways to approach your particular situation is to try and understand it as much as possible without involving the ego or emotions. Do your best to not give out territorial vibrations or take sides. You can be supportive to your partner and the child without getting involved in ego struggles. As beings made up of energy, we are able to sense the energy others send towards us. If you send out negative or territorial energy vibrations the other parent may be able to pick up on it and it can create a stressful, counterproductive environment for all involved. Communicate openly with your partner, respect that there may be times the parents want to spend time with the child as a family.

Another mistake to avoid is to be certain that you do not speak negatively about the other parent in front of the child, regardless of whether the other parent is still present in the child’s life or not. You want to do your best to be a trustworthy and positive adult figure to that child and show your partner’s child as much compassion as possible. It can be a big adjustment for a child to have a new adult around and for their primary parent to give focus to forming a new relationship.

What do you do if despite your best efforts there is a toxic situation with the other parent? Yoga Sutras tell us to be silent. Yes, silent. Keep a loving attitude, but be silent. You are under no obligation to be friends with someone who is consciously deciding to be a toxic influence towards you. The number one goal of Yoga is to guard your peace. However, be sure that you have not, or are currently adding fuel to the toxic fire. Make sure that your relationship with your partner began on good intentions. It is highly advised that you do not do anything to come between a marriage or an established relationship. A relationship that begins with infidelity is established upon dishonesty. If your foundation is created on sand then it will be extremely difficult, if not impossible to place it upon the sturdy cement of trust, loyalty, and honesty later on.

Yes, it is absolutely possible to form a lasting and loving relationship with your ideal partner even if they are a single parent. The same Yoga wisdom and principles apply regardless of whether your partner has children or not. Every relationship you form in this life will possess its own unique challenges and rewards. Forming a relationship with a single parent is no different. Like with any relationship, there will be responsibilities. And in the case  where your partner is a single parent, you may also need to be prepared to take on a parental role in the child’s life should you and your partner choose to make a commitment to one another. There can be a multitude of rewards for those willing to put in the hard work.  Not only will you gain a loving relationship with your ideal partner, but also a relationship where you can be a positive influence in a child’s life.