I Love Her Mind but Her Body Repulses Me


“Hey Vish, I met this really great woman. She’s smart, funny, kind, easy to get along with, and we share a lot of the same interests. I really enjoy the time I spend with her and I bet we would make a great couple. There’s only one big problem and that is her body is a big turn off to me. How do I get past this? Is there any hope?”

It was not the first time I have seen men ask questions like this, even some women. We have all been told that we are very visual creatures, and men especially are. These traits are further exacerbated by the fact that we live in a society that is obsessed with exterior beauty. However, as I have stated before both in this blog and in Yoga & Love that our physical selves are only a small portion of our entire being and a considerably larger portion of whom we are is hidden from physical sight.

It is very important to understand why the individual who asked this question used the word repulsed when referring to his potential partner’s body. Repulsed is a very strong and negative term to use. The bigger issue at hand here is why does this individual feel so negatively about the physical body of someone he claims to care about that he would call her body repulsive? In every single relationship it does not matter how attractive, rich, successful, and amazing you or your partner is if both individuals are not willing to work on themselves then the relationship will stagnate. If you truly care about someone, instead of judging them or being negative, ask yourself what you can do to help them. Guys, if you were out of work and needed a job you would want your partner to be supportive and possibly help you find a job, right? In the same way you must be loving, compassionate, and supportive of your partner and be willing to work with her to help her become more attractive. Changing our exterior bodies is one of the easiest things we can change about ourselves. This individual needs to understand that he has an amazing opportunity to be with this incredible woman and with a bit of work she can easily be the most beautiful woman in the world to him. Who knows, maybe there are things he can do to be more attractive to her, whether that be inside or out. This is why it is so vital to work together as a team.

If you want to help your partner improve don’t focus on negativity and judgment. Instead, be all about solutions. Whenever I point something out to Deypika I always make sure to present my constructive criticism with a solution. There is no need to be unnecessarily critical. And be willing to work with your partner as a team. A couple can achieve amazing things when they work and grow together. Think of it this way, would you want to be with someone who was negative towards you and overly critical about your physical appearance while doing nothing to help you and sat on the couch eating potato chips?

There is also another aspect to this as well. While men should be compassionate and supportive, woman should not be overly sensitive. There is no need to take things too much to heart, especially if you are in a loving environment. I once was coaching an individual who had weight issues. She was overly defensive about it and refused to put in any effort regarding diet and physical fitness. She would say “I want a man to love me how I am.” All of us want to be loved the way we are, but there are times where we also use that phrase as an excuse to remain stagnant in our own personal growth which can have an enormous impact on a relationship. Our egos are very smart and we must be careful to not use excuses to try and mask our laziness. Yoga is all about finding and maintaining a balance. We should not be so engrossed in our physical appearances that we lose sight of the inner work we need to give attention to, nor should we ignore our health because our physical health also has an impact on how we feel mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually.  We can say we do not care how we are perceived, but it is much easier to use that same energy we invest in making excuses and instead use it to change for the better.

Regardless of the situation, if you are not willing to work on yourself then that is a big red warning flag that you are likely not ready for a relationship. Yoga tells us that we need to be flexible. We should be like bamboo which is known for being extremely flexible and strong. You can bend bamboo in many directions, but it is very difficult to break. In the same way we need to be flexible, but not allow anyone to break us. We also must keep in mind and ask the right questions of ourselves. Whenever you face difficulty in your relationship ask yourself “Is there something within me or that I am doing to create this situation?” To the individual who is having trouble accepting his potential partner’s exterior, is his judgment of her body causing resentment on her side? Is he encouraging a healthy lifestyle in their relationship? Or is he regularly asking for unhealthy meals and being sedentary while expecting her to change on her own? Is the woman being so sensitive that it makes any sort constructive criticism and solutions that will benefit both individuals and the relationship nearly impossible to be brought forth? This is why we must always be open to personal growth and constantly be working to better ourselves. Without personal growth we cannot expect harmonious and loving relationships.

Yoga & Love Summary:

  • Understand why you are feeling the way you are about your partner’s appearance and be sure it is not from a place of judgment or negativity.
  •  Be compassionate and supportive of your partner; help them become more physically attractive to you.
  • Whenever you provide constructive criticism be sure to always offer a solution.
  •   Always continue to work on yourself.
  •   Do not be overly sensitive when your partner gives you constructive criticism.
  •   Be flexible but do not allow someone to break you down.