Guys, if You Found the Right One Can You Wait for Marriage Before Having Sex?

A friend, Tabby, once came to me for relationship advice. She said, “I’m a great a woman. I have a good job, have my life together, but all the guys seem to want just sex instead of relationships.” She was stuck in the same cycle of meeting a nice guy, going on a few dates with him, having sex with him, and then he would stop calling and coming around. By this point Tabby was disheartened, bitter, and was stuck in negative thought patterns. Like many men and women out there, Tabby didn’t realize that if she changed one thing she was doing in relationships they might have a dramatically different outcome.

We have all heard the saying, “Boys will be boys.” There is still a widely accepted belief in our society that men are controlled by their sexual urges and must constantly satisfy them to be happy and productive members of society.  With these beliefs, sex has been reduced to little more than satisfying hormones and physical urges. What many people do not realize is sex may be one of the leading reasons why their relationships keep falling apart and why happiness seems to fade so quickly.

Yoga presents a very valid and scientific reason why sex without commitment can be harmful not only to a growing relationship, but also to the individuals themselves. Much of our sexual energy is stored in our second, or Sacral, chakra. When a person develops a pattern of having sex purely to satisfy hormones and physical urges their consciousness remains in the lower chakras which makes it extremely difficult to connect to love within the heart center, or fourth chakra. Not only will their search for love result in fleeting lust, but it can also cause that person to be more susceptible to their negative karma. Imagine being stuck in your own version of the film Groundhog Day, repeating the same situations and disappointments over and over again, wondering how to break free of the cycle.

Can men truly wait for marriage or to be in a fully committed relationship before engaging in sex? Yes, absolutely! When a couple respects one another and is committed to doing what is best to create a healthy relationship then anything is possible. Science has shown plenty of evidence that humans possess similar brain functions and instincts, including the fight or flight instinct. The animal drive of a male brain is to spread his seed to several mates whereas the female animal brain is more nurturing and naturally inclined to create a family unit with a single mate. However, Yoga states that humans are different from animals because we possess the trait of discretion and are able to rise above our animal instincts. We as humans have choice whether to remain in lower consciousness, subjected to our negative karma, or to rise into higher states of consciousness and being.

It can help significantly for the man to have positive male role models in their life who can illustrate the benefits of a relationship built on commitment and mutual respect. Women often do not realize how much power they wield in a relationship. Too often women give away their power when they give in to a sexual relationship before commitment takes place. When this happens, more times than not, the man is only operating from his animal brain and loses interest. His fight or flight instinct kicks in because he is unable to access higher consciousness love available through the upper chakras. When commitment is declared through Vishuddha, the throat chakra, the energy center for communication, it declares truth and a couple is able to move together into higher states of energy. Sex is no longer just a means to satisfy animal instincts, but it enables a couple to harness and use the most powerful creative force in the universe.

So what does this mean for couples who have already had sex before commitment? Does this mean there is no hope for them to reach commitment? That’s not true at all. Nothing is permanent damage. It doesn’t matter what mistakes you make so long as you hold positive intention to change. There are Yoga techniques that one can practice that will aid them in their journey to a more positive future with their current partner.

Is it truly necessary to wait for marriage before having sex? The answer is yes and no. The answer is no if you never ask for commitment. But if your goal is to have a committed and loving relationship then it is important to wait until a mutual commitment is made and voiced before engaging in sexual activity. As stated earlier, it is important for women to not give away their power, especially when a man has not yet earned her love and dedication. It is especially important for women to maintain boundaries and practice meditation. Through doing these two things they can help raise the energy of the relationship and help teach their man to be the best man he can be, not only for himself, for her, but also for their future together. It’s not about maintaining a life of celibacy but rather claiming and creating your own destiny.